Early in my career as a clinical psychologist, neurodiversity was unheard of in my professional circles. There is no reference to it in the DSM-5™ (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). For those reasons, I and many of my colleagues have had some concerns about using the term neurodiversity until recently. An interesting post in Harvard Health Publishing posted in November 2021 by Nicole Baumer and Julia Frueh, argues that the neurodiversity narrative can be viewed as a social justice movement, that will ideally take the judgement and stigma away from disability, learning difficulties and certain mental health problems. The term neurodiversity was first used by a sociologist, Judy Singer in the late 1990’s. The intention was to try to step away from diagnostic, medical and pathologizing labels, and move towards neutrally described differences in the brain. There is a difference – as opposed to a deficit – in how children (and adults) think, learn and behave, depending on how their brains work.

However, although neurodiversity may be used by some people as an alternative to the medical, psychiatric model, it is commonly understood to include mental disorders such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). So although using the term neurodiversity might be an attempt to avoid a stigmatizing and emotionally distressing process of psychiatric labeling, it seems to me that a diagnosis (usually of ASD or ADHD) is often requested and required in certain contexts and communities. So what might have been an attempt to de-pathologize certain behaviours does not appear to have been fully successful.

Neurodiversity encompasses a broad spectrum of neurological differences, each with its own signs and symptoms. For example, autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is associated with certain social challenges including difficulty with social interactions, communication and developing friendships. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can include difficulties with impulse control, frustration tolerance, delaying gratification and concentration. Specific learning disorders can include problems with reading, writing and the processing of language. Highly sensitive individuals, intellectual difficulties or extremely high intellectual functioning are also considered to be examples of neurodiversity.

Despite my initial reservations, over time I have come to realize that using the word neurodiversity can be beneficial in certain ways. It allows parents, teachers and child therapists to recognize that certain children have particular needs and vulnerabilities that can be responded to in particular ways. Adjusting their home or school environment in ways that are better suited to their particular needs is one example. Neurodiversity does not necessarily point only to mental illness or psychopathology. It does not mean that your child won’t or can’t live a normal life, with a strong career, marriage, a family, mental stability and solid relationships with others. The more that doctors, psychologists, therapists, educators and the general public understand the essence of neurodiversity, the better we can provide the kind of support that neurodivergent children need.

Here are some examples of how you can help a neurodivergent child:

• Educate yourself, but bear in mind that some of what you read and hear is often socially constructed. Perhaps leaning towards more educated, evidence-based research is a safer option, and narratives that align with your value system. Learn about your child’s specific neurodiversity. Understand their strengths, challenges, and how their brain processes information differently. This will help you empathize with their experiences and tailor your support accordingly.

• Talk to a psychologist (or mental health professional) to explore the best way forward for your child. In the neurodiverse world, each child is unique so an individualized plan and strategy is essential. Decide on which kinds of support and interventions are best suited to your child, based on their specific strengths, challenges, interests and preferences.

• When you show empathy to your neurodivergent child, it usually has a positive outcome. Understanding the child can be hard sometimes and it might help to see a psychologist with a view to helping you to unpack complicated feelings.

• Create and maintain a supportive and positive environment for the child, both at home and at school. Celebrate the child’s achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Avoid criticism and instead focus on constructive feedback. Each difficult behavior or incident of dysregulated emotions is an opportunity to teach your child coping strategies and better ways of managing stress.

• Focus on social skills. Learning how to connect and communicate with others is vitally important, and often an area of difficulty in neurodivergent children. Professional guidance might be helpful. Parents can try to provide opportunities for social interaction in a controlled environment, such as playdates or structured group activities. Teach social cues explicitly and practice role-playing with the child.

• Help the child with emotional regulation. A neurodivergent child can experience mood swings, temper outbursts and they can become unreasonably, alarmingly upset, sometimes even violent. Teach coping strategies such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or use a calm-down corner. Help them identify and label their emotions to better understand and manage them.

• Embrace the child’s unique interests and passions. Allow and facilitate these interests, within reason. If you feel that the child’s interests are too obsessive, obscure, limited or rigid, encourage them to expand their repertoire of interests. Sometimes a child with ASD might want to vigorously pursue a hobby that is so unusual that it further pushes them away from others, into a lonely and isolated world. Art, music, science, nature and animals can serve as powerful motivators and sources of joy for some neurodiverse children.

• Connect with support networks such as like-minded friends and family, support groups, online forums, or local organizations. Sharing experiences, resources, and advice can be invaluable and remind you that you’re not alone on this journey.

• Take care of yourself. Supporting a neurodiverse child can be emotionally and physically demanding. Preserve your own mental health so that you are ready to handle the moods, emotions and other challenges that might go hand in hand with the specific neurodiversity with which your child is faced. Prioritize activities and interests that recharge you mentally and emotionally. Manage your own expectations because your ideas about day-to-day progress might be very different to what your child realistically is able to accomplish.

In conclusion, neurodiversity as a narrative, although socially constructed, has become truth in today’s world. If you don’t believe in it, you are not alone. I didn’t believe in it either, until a few years ago. But now I recognize that neurodiversity can be extremely useful as a way of thinking about certain forms of mental, social and behavioral problems during childhood and beyond. Supporting neurodiverse children to thrive requires a collaborative and empathic approach. By understanding their unique needs, strengths, and challenges, and providing personalized support and opportunities, you can help them to learn to live with their neurodiversity. The challenges are not likely to disappear over time, but they can improve as the individual grows up and learns how to manage them. Each child’s journey is different, but with wisdom and support of their therapists, teachers and parents, neurodiverse children can often thrive and reach their full potential.